Everyone in KL has a maid. It’s a bit like having a cleaner in the UK, but they do more, cost less and call you ma’am.
What’s not to like? I resolved to hire one immediately, but then found out about the drawbacks – they can’t be trusted on their own in the house, and you have to have a good idea of what’s in each cupobard and drawer so you can check that they’re not filching things whilst whisking a feather duster around your walk-in wardrobe.
If I was going to have to stay in and stare at my maid for several hours a week, I decided that it was all more trouble than it’s worth, and I would do my own cleaning for the first time in years. Necessity being the mother of invention, I have now perfected a minimalist approach to housework which is poised to take the world by storm.
Rule number one: never use the kitchen.
I have discovered that cooking leads to a disproportionate amount of cleaning, and is best abandoned as a pastime.
I am proud to say that I have never even opened the oven in my kitchen –
let alone used it.
Considering that I used to be a keen cook, the ease with which I have taken to this new Delia-free lifestyle is slightly alarming. But apparently new condos in South-East Asia are being built without kitchens, so perhaps I’m just ahead of the curve.
Rule number two: embrace Food Panda –
Food Panda allows you to order food to be delivered to your door by a courier, from a selection of nearby restaurants. They charge just under £1 for delivery.
As you can see, I have plenty of restaurants to choose from –
– in fact, I could try a different one every day for almost three months, if my maths serves me correctly.
Rule number three: washing up is so last year.
Rule number four: never sit on anything which requires fluffing or plumping afterwards
sit on something low-maintenance instead.
Rule number five: bedlinen is quite unneccessary in a warm climate.
Rule number six: no need to fill bins and then empty them laboriously on bin day.
Just tip all your rubbish over the balcony
into the swimming pool below
where the cleaner will pick it all out piece by piece
and throw it away for you.
Simple and foolproof. I shall sit back and await a lucrative book deal.