In the interests of research I have been lurking in the bushes this week. On my way home from work one day I heard shouting. Hurrying along a tree-lined path, thinking someone was in trouble, I saw a red umbrella pushed in between two trees at a rakish angle, with an elderly lady standing in…
A revolutionary new approach to housework
Everyone in KL has a maid. It’s a bit like having a cleaner in the UK, but they do more, cost less and call you ma’am. What’s not to like? I resolved to hire one immediately, but then found out about the drawbacks – they can’t be trusted on their own in the house, and…
Life at the chalkface – week four
This child had to be consigned to the recycling bin after asking me whether I had a baby in my tummy, and could she listen to its heartbeat. May possibly start diet on Monday. On a more postive note, my portrayal of an Egyptian explorer received rave reviews. Heavily influenced by Mr Benn, I disappear…
A stroll around the grounds of Toad Hall
Malaysians are not fond of swimming; in fact they don’t seem fond of exercise at all. I walk to school every day, which only takes about 30 minutes, but any locals who discover this are appalled. ‘Is so far! Why you no take bus? Why you no take taxi?’ If you imagine telling a Londoner…
Underwear and toast: an unusual housewarming
Somewhat unusually, I decided to host a drinks and toast housewarming party. Toasters are pretty hard to come by in KL, and I had to send away for one in the end, such was my determination not to live a toast-free lifestyle. My colleagues at school were all very envious of my toaster so, not…
Sussing the supermarkets
Depressingly, there are several giant Tesco stores in KL. They look similar enough to UK stores, although their everyday products make ours look a tad dull. But I haven’t come all this way to shop at Tesco, so I looked elsewhere. There is a giant shoppping mall – fourth largest in the world, actually –…
Toad Hall
Mr Toad has finally moved to his elegant new flat, and can be seen here relaxing on his king-size bed, charmingly furnished with imported French cotton bed linen. And relaxing with an aperitif on the balcony before dinner – The new Toad Hall is on the fifteenth floor, with a somewhat vertiginous view of…
Sexting pandas and my new alter ego
Have really taken to my new role as a drama teacher, and put in a stellar performance – though I say so myself – as Professor I C Stars in the Space Mission role plays last week. Any resemblance to Worzel Gummidge is entirely coincidental. Another role play involved a cocktail party – not…
Pitch Perfect: The Sequel
I have a vomiter in my class. Her mother – armed with plastic bags and a worried expression – explained to me that when this child feels stressed, she vomits. With one eye on said child and another on my possible escape route, I tried to look sympathetic and caring, instead of repulsed. Normally she…
Petronas – and I’m not talking Harry Potter
Having been here for a week already, I was slightly embarrassed to have to admit that I hadn’t seen the Petronas Towers yet. It’s bit like spending a week in Paris and failing to spot the Eiffel Tower. So a trip downtown on my day off was a must. Feeling a bit Ubered-out, I decided…
In which I decide not to become David Attenborough …
Mr Toad and I were relaxing poolside on a sunny afternoon – – when suddenly I heard a thud … a tiny little squirrel had fallen out of a large palm tree and landed next to me. He gathered his wits, turned his head and then saw me and started scrabbling wildly, trying to get…
The most expensive phone call in the world?
As my poor old phone has definitely seen better days I decided to upgrade to a shiny, new, rose gold iPhone. I rapidly installed email, added apps, put in a U.K. clock as well as a Malaysian one and felt very tech-savvy and pleased with myself. Then I thought that I should add the number…
Free Plant Sprayer With Every Meal …
The Kuala Lupur Botanical Gardens, as one might expect, showcase a magnificent variety of lush tropical species. The Oasis Garden even has its own water nymph elegantly perched on a rock. And I do love a pretentious sign, so I was delighted to read all about the Oasis Garden I would have said it…
The Year of the Cat?
No – apparently it’s the Year of the Rooster. So I was rather puzzled to see an installation at Doha airport with approximately a thousand waving cats, wishing everyone a Happy New Year. You may not be able to see clearly from the photo, but they are all waving their left paw stiffly up and…
Mr Toad packs his suitcase…
… ready to head off to Malaysia. He’s hoping that reports of a plague of toad-eating snakes in Kuala Lumpur have been greatly exaggerated.
The shameless tourist
It’s all very well going native – eating in local restaurants, calling yourself a barang, feeling very superior as every new batch of holiday-makers arrives for the obligatory 3-day Angkor Wat pilgrimage – but there are times when you just want to let rip and be a total tourist yourself. So with that idea in…
This little piggy went to market …
… on a motorbike. Hurrah for the white van-less society! When everyone’s in an open vehicle, you can see what’s going on – and I must admit that I’ve become a bit obsessed with watching the traffic, just to see what’s coming up the road next. Not sure what these are called, but I saw…
Good Old Tesco
Grace House has the only Special Needs Unit in Siem Reap Province – not just the town but the whole province – which has an area of over 10,000 square km with a population getting on for a million. The Grace House Unit can take 20 children, with five living in the residential house…
Dangerous items and female visitors
Frustratingly, the hotel policy makes no further mention of the dangerous items, leading to all kinds of speculation – hand grenades? TNT? Durian? Wandering past the Royal Palace in Phnom Penh, I was surprised to see a member of the Queen’s Guard. No – not an international exchange of royal guards – he’s just…
The triumph of hope over experience
To the person who told me that I ‘must have a foot massage in Cambodia’: what sort of masochist are you? Despite previous experience of Khmer massage techniques, as this had been highly recommended, I was expecting a soothing afternoon – a sort of human version of a Dr Scholl footbath. I lay down and…