Malaysians are outraged. Why? You might ask – they’re pretty placid people on the whole. Well, there’s a general election coming up, and the ruling party has been busy changing the electoral boundaries to ensure that there’s a majority of Muslims in every catchment area, so that the National Party gets back into power. The…
Releasing my inner Miss Trunchbull
I do love being unkind to children … I think that must be why I decided to go into teaching in the first place. This was my April Fools’ Day prank – I stuck this notice on the door and then hid, along with the first three children who’d arrived to class. They hid under…
Do not wail against the flow
As I was reading the regulations on the escalators which link the hilly districts of Hong Kong Island – I realised that this is where I’ve been going wrong all my life … too much wailing against the flow. Taking this advice to heart, I declined a trip on a junk at dusk – –…
You’d be bonkers not to go via Honkers …
… as the old Aussie advertisement for Cathay Pacific used to go. So, to confirm my sanity, I decided to spend the spring break in Hong Kong, which is only a hop and a skip and £150 return from KL. The harbour views are fantastic and the crew on the Star Ferry have the…
You know you’re in Singapore when …
… the water features at the airport – look more like the installations you’d find in a five star hotel anywhere else. … you can get a glass of perfectly chilled Piper Heidsieck – at the theatre – rather than a can of tepid 7-Up, which tends to be the classy beverage of choice…
Teacher, how do you spell ‘turd’?
I was surprised when a child asked me this the other day. What on earth is she writing about, I wondered, given that the title of the story was supposed to be ‘My First Day at Pirate School’. I obviously looked puzzled, so she elaborated, ‘I can spell first and second but I don’t know…
Chatting up a monk
When I saw the sign, I couldn’t resist – I’ve always wanted to chat a monk up, so I dashed over to the monk assignation area. My monk was called Claim, and he told me all about his life in the monastery and at the university attached to the monastery, where he studies Pali, which…
First, coat your elephant liberally with mud …
Have just returned from a few days in Chiang Mai, where I learnt two very useful new skills – firstly, how to give an elephant a mud bath, and secondly, how to wash the mud off again. The elephants at the rescue centre have been rescued from performance venues in Thailand – all except the…
What do Donald Trump, the Prince of Wales and three ugly-looking ladies have in common?
The answer could well be that they all have names that I find easy to remember – which is a definite bonus these days. The new school year has brought with it a whole set of new name problems for me … and I used to think I was good with names. Having finally got…
You can wear any colour you like … as long as it’s red
Things are hotting up for Chinese New Year next week. Interestingly, it’s always called Chinese New Year, or CNY, even by the Chinese. In our usual imperialist way, the West seems to have commandeered the term ‘New Year’ for 1 January – so perhaps we should embrace diversity, acknowledge that other New Years exist and…
There’s something about Tuesday …
I was in the midddle of explaining an activity in my phonics class yesterday when a five-year-old boy looked up, pointed to my head and asked, ‘Is that a wig?’ I was astonished. Does he really think that I’d pay for a wig that looked like this? If I buy a wig it’ll be long,…
I think I’ve found my ideal home
When I saw this place, I knew I had to move in immediately – Anyone else care to join me? Rant for today … When you land in KL all you see around the airport are miles and miles of palm oil plantations According to a report online, Malaysia and Indonesia produce 85% of the…
Malaysia … home of witchcraft and wizardry
According to a newspaper report, in Malacca alone last year there were 2,492 cases of spells, jinxes and other forms of witchcraft reported to the police. They usually involve bomohs, who are a type of witch doctor/shaman. Now, I’m no medical expert but … … I’m pretty sure there’s a medical term for this which…
The School of Hard Knocks
In Malaysia, the School of Hard Knocks is not a precursor of the University of Life and an essential component of any I-dragged-meself-up-by-me-bootstraps success story. It’s actually a workshop where you can go and learn how to make things out of pewter. I already knew that Kuala Lumpur’s fortune was founded on tin. KL was…
Still doing their own thing in Myanmar
On my travels around Myanmar, I was struck by the fact that traditions are still woven into the fabric of everyday life and not just resurrected for the tourists every night at 8 pm, with a matinee on Saturdays. We were lucky enough to see a novitiation ceremony in a small town that we were…
In which I discover that I’m a guinea pig …
Myanmar is apparently the most devoutly Buddhist country in the world. There are temples everywhere and it’s a country where anyone who’s anyone builds their own stupa, so wherever you go there are gilded spires rising up into the sky Sometimes there’s a thousand of them all together Or just a few – When I…
It’s a man’s world …
I went to the ballet in Laos – the Ballet Theatre of Luang Prabang – to see a show called ‘The Return of Princess Sida’ The unhappy princess was separated from her husband due to war, and pined for years. Her husband also claimed to be unhappy to be separated from his wife. Finally the…
The Champagne lifestyle
Luang Prabang – Wats and wiring
Laos is a country that loves wires – This picture was taken in Vientiane in a not particularly attractive area, but it was the same story in Luang Prabang, which is a UNESCO world heritage town, full of monks and magnificent temples, called Wats – all gilded and carved and generally very splendid. So I wondered…
The gardening monks of Laos
As I walked past a temple in Vientiane I was pleased to see that the monks were out doing a bit of topiary and trimming the hedges. There’s something very homely and unthreatening about Buddhist monks, and I’m pleased to be back in a Buddhist country again – if only for a couple of weeks,…